We preach forgiveness -- forgiving others the way we want God to forgive us, etc. We talk about "no record of wrongs," but Christian counselors tell people it will take as long to forgive and forget as it takes to get in the predicament they are in. Is this biblical?  A couple my wife and I are working with were told it would take 18 years for her to forgive her husband for the mess he had gotten them into. -- R.M.

Actually, I think both perspectives are right. Love keeps no records and it does take time to work through things. Usually we deal with the deeper hurts in stages, and there are many levels.

Trust is built on a sort of "record"; otherwise we would be hopelessly naïve, forgetting (keeping no records about) the activities of the burglar, pedophile, etc. We need to remember. On the other hand, we need to not take things too personally; and vengeance is always forbidden.