If the church is the body of Christ, and the church is also Jesus' bride, does that mean Jesus married himself? I hope this isn't too confusing.

No, it isn't too confusing. But you are mixing two analogies: head/body and groom/bride. One is an organic illustration; the other, a marital illustration.

The head does not marry the body; it is organically connected. And the bride is not the body of the groom, even if in marriage they become one.

Analogies only illustrate; they can't be creatively blended to yield new theological truths. (Or perhaps they can!)